Evergreen Up Late: State of the Union Edition

Best pre-debate observation: “If #Obama doesn’t address #climatechange, I will be very upset. Greatest threat to humanity #SOTU”

“Mr. Squeaker! The President of the United States!”

51 years ago JFK made us partners for progerss. State of the Union is strong. We are using less foreign oil than in 20 years, and have new consumer protections in place. Bow before our radiant awesomeness…

Paul Ryan looks baked. It’s the inequality, stupid…”a rising, thriving, middle class.” Boilerplate. Country before party, blah blah.

So, das budget. We’ve reduced the deficit…more than halfway to the 4 trilion deficit reduction needed (Really? what if Republicans weren’t obstructing the recovery?)…sequestration “sudden, harsh, arbitrary”. Fear! Fear! Fear! Obama refusing to exempt military, which is going to once again force Boehner to discipline his Tea Party caucus…your move, Boehner.

More deficit reduction  needs balanced approach (Really? Where was the proposal for reducing military spending?). Oh gawd, he’s offering to accept the Simpson-Bowles Catfood Commission recommendations for cutting Medicare. And people wonder why the left accuses him of pre-emptive caving. Open to proposals from both sides. Yeah, I’ll bet.

“We must keep promises already made.” Dog-whistle warning to the Congress about another debt-ceiling fight. Close tax loopholes…best chance for comprehensive tax reform. Dog-whistling again, to paraphrase: “WTF is wrong with you people!?”…”one manufactured crisis to the next…uphold the full faith and credit of the US!”

Boehner hasn’t blinked in…a week or so… Jobs…how? Pass American Jobs Act, especially since it’s already paid for. Bring Manufacturing back to US…innovation, global centers of high tech jobs. Wow-I would never have guessed that the Human Genome Project has returned-on-investment at 140 to 1. Investment comparable to space race. Fuck yeah. Obama going to go climate change…Great, another doomed proposal for a “bipartisan market-based” fantasy that’ll make everything peachy…except this time there’s a knife: “Executive actions” to reduce pollution, prepare for climate change, and drive renewable energy. Clean air and water! Commie!

Cut in half energy waste-good. Upgrade infrastructure-real good. “Fix it First”–70k roads and bridges, ports, and pipelines.

Love the tie, Joe…

Education. 7:1 Return on early childhood education. John Lewis still lookin’ good. Schumer grinning like Buddha. Redesign high schools for a high tech society…we can safely ignore this part, since schools are locally-controlled. College is more affordable, but costs must be kept down. Change Higher Ed act. Quick! Flip into immigration! Pass immigration reform. Who knew we had the lowest rate of illegal  immigration in 40 years? How are we going to brain-drain other countries with all this red tape? Pass VAWA, House, or Joe Biden’s going to come spike you in the head like Trotsky.

Raise minimum wage to 9/hr. Customers with more money need less government help, so let’s tie minimum wage to the cost of living. (Hell yeah!) Michelle straight from Agent 99 audition. Troops in Afghanistan…34k home in next year, our war over by end of next year. aQ a shadow. Code language: drone policy will continue. Acknowledges NoKo, Iran, will do what necessary to prevent an Iranian nuke. Engage Russia…Cyber defense executive order. “Greater capability to secure our networks”…wtf does that mean? Enhanced surveillance? The children….an AIDS-free generation? That’d be nice…”stable transitions to democracy” in ME. Gay equality, women in combat, wounded warriors…fix the vote commission! NOW! Two months since Newtown…background checks. Waving the bloody shirt of Chicago girl. They deserve a vote! Gabby Giffords deserves a vote! And, and, and! Obligations to one another! PANDEMONIUM IN THE ROOM! OH, THE HUMANITY!

And Marco Rubio sounds like an earnest undergrad who caught a high fever while his media was stuck on Limbaugh.

The best of all possible tomorrows to you all-


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