Evergreen Up Late: Remote Control

So, I’m going to be on TV tonight, probably even as you read this, and thus unable to do my usual frantic last-second scramble to cut something together that has to be re-edited at least twice after it’s been published. Luckily for me, it turns out that there’s this very cool bloggy thing called “scheduler” that I am going to attempt to employ. Based on current data, odds of success are no more than 50-50, which means there’s an excellent chance that I’ll be on camera trying to thoughtfully answer a question from the host while my phone buzzes angrily in my pocket, and if it’s loud enough for the mic to pick up, then that’s for the win. The fact that at least this time the complaint from Management isn’t about obscenity or otherwise sullying the reputation of this fine Institute will be of at least some solace as I stumble over my words and slap at my thigh in the attempt to silence the damn thing, causing the host to jump backwards in surprise and yell “Fuck!” into a live mic. If it’s like last time, rather than shut the damn thing off, I’ll manage rather to switch the speaker to ON. Merriment will ensue….I can see it all now. And no, I’m not going to reveal either the name of the show, the network, nor the market, nor the time. I’ll be appearing under yet another of my seemingly-endless series of pseudonyms, but, just like the way the re-use of a one-time pad by a spy makes the pad vulnerable to cryptography, to allow this name to be cross-referenced with that name would ruin the whole game. I’d be EXPOSED. Naked before a ruthless, judgmental world, like the little stuffed doll at the end of The Wall. And who needs that? There’d be recriminations, hurt feelings…and possibly even a hearing or two. And questions. People would demand answers.
And I’m not going through that again, I tell you. So, as long as Up Late is on remote control tonight, let’s also look at:

Black helicopters-not just for nuts anymore.

Because flying death robots are clearly the best way to win hearts and…oh never mind.

Come on, try it yourself. Full-motion video and audio available for only a small upcharge.

Do you suppose people grasp that the last human fighter pilot may have already been born?

And really, how could this possibly go wrong?

At least someone is saying something.

And so, I ask only that you please stay In the Light.

The best of all possible tomorrows to you all-

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