A Rant

I am bisexual.

It’s taken me over thirty years to be able to say it out loud. Its been a hard realization to make and it felt great to tell my family. Most have been okay with it so far. Some still don’t know.

I got married in my early twenties to a man who I wasn’t able to discuss it with. I discovered during conversations that he would not have been accepting of it. So I buried it down again, where it had been since the first time I kissed another girl in high school. After my marriage fell apart, I began dating a man who was accepting of it, but only thinking he could use it to fulfill his sexual fantasies. Needless to say, that relationship fell apart.

Since then I’ve realized some other things as well. I still can’t be out. Almost every male dating prospect that I’ve mentioned it to have immediately assumed that my sexuality is again, something for his sexual fulfillment. Apparently being a bisexual female means automatic threesomes with the men I date and my female friends or random women I meet. I can tell you with certainty that it does not.

However, the gay community isn’t much better. Some women won’t engage in a relationship with bisexual women, since we might still be interested in men. Also, we’re seen as fence sitters. With both communities we’re seen as “confused” and told “to make up our minds.”

Maybe its just my post-modern attitude, but why should I have to pick one gender? I. Like. Both. I’m not an indecisive “fence sitter”. I like men. I like women. Plain and simple. As I’ve heard recently from two family members while telling them, I’m going through a “phase, probably spawned from my background of sexual abuse” and its my “decision to live how I like” as I got an eye roll. This is not a phase. This was not a decision. This is how I’m wired.

With all the arguments of gay marriage in the news lately, I hear the phrase “Love is love.” And it most certainly is. But love is not bound by gender. I should be able to love someone of either gender, without being ridiculed by the homosexual or heterosexual communities. If “love is love”, why am I still being held to antiquated standards? Why must I decide to love one or the other? What’s the point of having cake, if you can’t eat it too? Like every other person on the planet, why can’t I decide who I love, bound only by my feelings and not someone else’s standards?

It’s insane to me that by coming out, I still can’t be completely open about my sexuality. The gay community still doesn’t fully accept me, but neither does the heterosexual community. To lesbians, I might leave them for a man. To heterosexual men, I’m a guaranteed three-way. So here I am, being who and what I am, but still ostracized. We’re making great strides as a society, but my friends, we still have a long, long way to go.

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One thought on “A Rant

  1. An excellent blog filled with many of the same feelings and words which I have heard from family members and friends for years. Most people only think of one aspect of being “gay”. They fail to realize there is another precarious position, one in which you find yourself describing as being on “the fence”. Thanks for sharing!

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